im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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