I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
