He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
