Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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