capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
