and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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