you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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