if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
