were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
