thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
