Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
