Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
