I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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