his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Randomize
