it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
