would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
