I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I will be naked everywhere
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
