wat bout pragnant strippers??
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
