OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you would pick up someone in the library
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize