So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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