im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize