They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Who died my cat blue again?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
