At least make sure they are 18
Why
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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