i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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