so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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