I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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