apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Let's get the cat blown out
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
