FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
