Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize