So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize