I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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