Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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