So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
