I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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