HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
