Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize