Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
