Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
