i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
