he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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