One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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