Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
