I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
