If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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