You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
