Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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