worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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