the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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