I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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