This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
