Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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