hell yes lets make some ravioli
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
