I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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