I will die if light touches me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize