Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The best revenge is premature balding
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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