So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
