just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
