If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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