i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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