How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
