tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
