I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
