I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
