well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
