I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
